Throwing away her cat

Yeah, there was Freaky Friday. And, yeah, the Parent Trap before it. But, Lindsay Lohan came into her own in Tina Fey’s Mean Girls. It is deserved. She was great in the movie. Yes, considering her eventual oeuvre, it was a one-hit wonder, but she gave a fine performance in a hysterically witty movie.

It’s no surprise that Emma Stone, also a redhead and freckled, will have a chance of stardom that Lindsay squandered.

I was once offered to go to a Bible concert. I, to this day, have no idea what it would have been if I went. I was a shy kid, and had a 12 year long crush on the girl who invited me, so I declined, but she was nice enough. Yes, she was religious… Southern Baptist, if I remember correctly. But, I knew her since kindergarten, so that meant a “hands off” attitude even though I tempted those with horrifically inappropriate hand gestures and tongue swirls.

Nevertheless, this Christian girl was great. She was kind, wholesome, and sweet. Cute, too. But, she was not overtly preachy. Yes, if you got into a conversation, you would hear an ear full, but there was no religion club, and she would not disassociate herself from heathen atheists like myself. She was everything someone like me would want from a religious person; she was everything a religious person should be. Also, she wore long skirts and understood the greatness of being in a skirt and twirling (why don’t more girls twirl in skirts/dresses? Sigh).

So, it always bothers me when I see a high school movie with an overt Christian girl being a dick. Or a bitch. Or a twat. Whatever. And, this is where Easy A comes in to discussion.

Emma Stone gives such a wonderful performance. In fact, it is a bit freaky how she seems so far beyond her years. Lindsay could project just a couple of years into the future, but Emma seems to catapult her character into a future decade. It is eerie. Yet, it is star-making material. It is wonderful. It has got to be the husky voice.

But, what is she up against? There is yet another “Short hair, black hair, curly, and a smirk” guy who will ultimately end up with her. She easily befriends and allows a fag to be her imaginary sex buddy, but has second thoughts about the fatty who eats the candy bar. Seriously, fat people get fat IN PRIVATE and not in public: they usually do not go around eating candy bars in public.

It is annoying. In fact, it is what made Tina Fey’s (only) movie such a pleasant experience. It was not JUST cliche after cliche, and it didn not try so hard to upend cliches. It. Just. Existed. Easy A could have done a lot with its subject, which is kind of an interesting idea for a film. But, it squanders it.

The greatest thing is the references to other movies. YES. MOVIES EXIST IN MOVIES. She references the Brat Pack. There’s Ferris. There is the annoying kid in the Breakfast Club. There is the teacher who will not rap because he knows it is lame. It is infuriating to watch movies that borrow direct characters and plots from other movies, but shy away in shame from overtly mentioning them. It is part of the reason why Scream is so great. If the movie exists in the real world, then the people in that world have seen Star Wars and such. The sooner movies get over their fear of recognizing real movies, the better.

The movie also references FACEBOOK. Sure, I hate Facebook, but it is real. It is life. It is a daily outlet for many people. Sadly.

But, why is Lisa Kudrow in the film? She appears 50 minutes into the film and... what?  She fucks a student?

And, who doesn’t love a montage to an updated version of Grease? What are they thinking?

I dunno. There comes a point where a film cannot rely just on the main actress. There comes a point where you cannot have teachers sleeping with students (this is not a normal occurrence). There comes a point where cliche’d protests, squinty haired smirky black haired guy gets the girl.  And if you do all of these things, you can’t say “cliche” twice in the first 3 minutes. It is like Kick-Ass boasting about its coolness and originality in the first few minutes.

It is frustrating.

What if Emma Stone was in Mean Girls? What if Lindsay was in Easy A? Emma Stone deserves a bit of stardom from her performance and the back on which she carries this middling film. But, things are the sum of its parts.

And, goddamn if Stanley Tucci isn’t the best pinch hitter in film today. He can sell almost any scene.

Would the film be any better if she was raped by “Short hair, black hair, curly, and a smirk” guy? Would it have something more to say?