How to see a movie by yourself in a theater comfortably

Step 1: Try to go to the earliest showtime in the day. Tuesday and Wednesday are the least crowded days.

Step 2: Get to the theater about 10 minutes early to make sure you have time to buy a ticket and sit.

Step 3: Sit right in the middle of a row in the middle of the theater. Since the theater will be mostly empty, you might as well get the best seat in the house.

Step 4: Enjoy the movie. It isn't that creepy to see a movie by yourself. 

The Nail

Parkour!

Season Eight's opener for The Office is the worst season opener so far. As any fan of The Office should have recognized, the cold opening, with its references to planking, is fairly close in proximity to Season Six's opening where Andy, Dwight, and Michael imitate parkour. Just like Season Six, planking is an outdated internet sensation. There's a charm to that, but it suggests that the hilariously outdated references were not limited to just Michael. This is a fallacy. Every outdated reference on The Office prior to the opening of Season Eight is attributed to Michael. Why are these outdated references continuing on The Office? I don't know, but without Michael, they shouldn't.
And this is how the episode begins. It begins with a retread. It begins with a mistake. Michael is gone. He's never coming back, and they shouldn't even suggest that he might with this misguided humor. Andy, the new boss, is not Michael, and they went for the safe choice in having him be the boss. Both Andy and Michael are lovable oafs, real-life disciples of The Daily Show, and big movie stars. Daryl, long time underused patron of the show, could have been the boss. Or, Jim. But Andy was the safe and obvious choice.

This is a mistake for two reasons. First off, Andy is too similar to Michael. After the writers decided to completely change Andy's character from a ticking time bomb of hostility to super saccharine loser, he has become almost a spitting image of Michael. Steve Carrel was amazing on the show, and just like Apple shouldn't find the next Steve Jobs, the Office shouldn't replace Steve Carrel with the next thing closest to him. Secondly, it is grossly inappropriate for the boss of the office to be engaged with an inter-office romance. This poisons the force subplot of Erin/Gabe/Andy love triangle. Enough instance of real life sexual abuse and harassment of office managers and their workers ruin any fun and fantasy that could have been exploited from the Andy/Erin romance. Now, it is just icky. But, because the writers are mostly male, or mostly out of touch, and they probably won't explore this avenue of awfulness, or even know it exists. Which, in the minds of some, can be viewed as sexist, or pathetic (if Erin doesn't recognize it).

Nevertheless, the show goes on, with the sudden plot twists in the first two minutes. How did James Spader persuade Kathy Bates to give up her position as CEO to him? Rather than start with the planking portion of the episode, the cold open should have been Kathy Bates offering James Spader the position of boss, him turning it down, and subsequently convincing her to let him take of the company, with her departure. This accomplishes several things. First of all, On screen finality is given to Kathy Bates. She was a major character in the previous season, and major characters should never be dealt with off screen (unless that is the point, a la No Country for Old Men with James Brolin). Secondly, it would have replaced the planking joke with something fresh. Not only would the joke from Season Six be discarded, but the audience would have been thrown for a loop with the introduction of James Spader as boss, and then his succession to CEO. Lastly, James Spader's interview in the last episode of Season Seven was the best moment in the episode. This conversation between Kathy Bates and James Spader would have allowed for a continuation of his magnificent and malevolent oratory skills previously witnessed. Instead, we never see this strength again, which will be addressed later.

The other surprise in the opening, apart from Andy being the boss and James Spader as CEO is the dual pregnancies of Pam and Angela. There were three episodes primarily concerning Pam and Jim's baby: The birth episode, the Sweeny Todd episode, and the episode where they exploit their baby to win the affection of Will Farrel. Three episodes in a 22-ish episode season is hardly enough for them to recycle the pregnancy angle. Sure, Jenna Fischer's real life pregnancy might be the cause of such an inclusion, but it damages the show and the characters. And, why did Angela's wedding to the gay senator occur off screen as well? Again, this could have yielded great humor, such as Dwight or Oscar trying to ruin the wedding.

Also, why did James Spader make Andy the boss, a person who has a lousy sales record, and whom he almost instantly puts in the "loser" category of his diary list? Yes, he was originally in the "winner" category, but without any hesitation, he moves Andy onto the other side. Is James Spader, the mastermind from Season Seven's closer and the guy who convinced the CEO of her own company to quit, really that bad at judging people? It makes no sense.

And, why is Erin looking through his diary in the first place, when in earlier episodes she forced Pam to hand her faxes upside-down so Erin would not accidentally read them?

These inconsistencies illuminate the problems with later episodes to earlier (even as late as Season Six) episodes.

[Complete side note: do all pregnant women clasp their hands together under their belly to signal that they are pregnant?]

There's some great jokes in the episode, don't get me wrong. Dwight throwing Jim's phone like a fastball is not only in character, but hilarious. Stanley's forced catch phrase is just plain silly. James Spader's "I might as well be sketching a cube" rebuff to Andy is in perfect character to the previous version of his character. Kevin's "WARNING!" is a riot. But, Pam's constant crying isn't very funny. The commercial she is crying at is kinda heart warming, so it isn't a stretch for her to be crying at it. Maybe, she should have been weeping at something else, something completely indefensible? The lunch scene with James Spader is a wash except for Toby's leaving, which underscores Toby's greatness on the show. Kevin's text isn't bad either.

But, this was an important episode. This wasn't just the first episode of Season Eight, it was the first episode, the first true episode (the few last season don't count), without Steve Carrel. At this point, are we to believe that this is the best representation of the post-Michael episodes of the Office? Hands down, the best moment of the episode was Andy's dedication to the workers with his pointed defense of each second-tier cast member to James Spader. This move by Andy was classic Michael, and classic Office. But, moments later the show ends with what should have been a classic Pam/Jim moment. Jim drops a note, mimicking James Spader's list of Winners/Losers, but with Pam, Pipa, and the new baby in the win column, and "everything" in the losing column. It's sweet, and something that would feel right at home in Season Five. But, it is played for laughs. It is played just like the horrid baby episode.This was no Dundies drunken nodding moment, or rooftop pizza moment, or campfire confession, or Jim asking Pam out for the first time moment. This was dumb.

And that's how it ends. To quote Monkey Island, rest in piece and all that.

Baby steps

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Welcome to Monkey Initiatives Ping Pong for iPad!

TILT TO CONTROL YOUR PADDLE(S)!!!

Four game modes await you in this simple, yet fun, take on a classic game. Play against the computer AI in two different difficulty levels. The first player to score 11 points wins the game! Can you best the computer?

The four game modes for the game are:

Easy: Play against the computer in easy mode! This is great for beginners and allows the basic controls to be learned. 

Hard: For those ready to advance to the next level, play against a faster, tougher computer AI.

Bumpers: Add some spice to the mix when the normal tennis court features four added bumpers. This mode is very challenging, but very rewarding. Watch out for those sharp corners on the bumpers!

Doubles: Control two paddles against the computer. This game is perfect for those want more of a challenge, but are not quite ready for Bumpers and Hard.

Feel free to send an email to support@monkeyinitiatives.com or a tweet to MonkeySupport with any questions or concerns. Thank you, and enjoy the game!

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holy shit.

http://www.macrumors.com/2011/08/24/steve-jobs-resigns-as-apple-ceo/

holy shit.

Kick-Ass and the Poochie Generation

The movie begins by asking the question "why has no one else thought of/done this before?" This is not so much the teenage narrator asking this question, but the boastful writer/director as well. What an original concept: ordinary kids and teenagers dress up like superheroes in the real world. Surely, no one has thought of this before. But of course, others have, in comics, but also in an episode of South Park that aired near the release of The Dark Knight. And, if my memory is correct, is not this the premise to the start of Mystery Men? That is not the issue, but it is just a comment to deflate some bloated egos. The real issue is that this premise is begging us to ask this question in real world dynamics. This is not supposed to be "why has no one else thought of/done this before in movies", but why not in real life as well. Moments later, in what is supposed to be the movie's first laugh, that is if it was not telegraphed so far in advance by the movie's own pompous opening question that no one in my theater even chuckled, someone dressed in heroic garb jumps from the building and plummets to a violent death on a car. This is what would happen in real life, right?

The movie reminds us that in the real world, there are bad guys. We see a drug deal interrogation go wrong. No laughs in this scene. Rather, the laughs come after as the boss who ordered a man's finger cut off ponders what he will order for a movie snack as his son, who was sitting in a limo outside the building where the violence just took place, drives off. Damn, they will miss the movie trailers!

After some 15 minutes of exposition using pseudo-teenage banter (thanks a lot, Juno), the narrator gets his costume via Amazon and goes out to train on a roof, similar to that of Spiderman. Like Spidey, training does not go well and he is sort of disappointed. A real kid trying to be a real superhero would not be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound or suddenly have the courage to try to. Expected. The movie is playing by its own rules. Trying to stop a carjacking, he gets stabbed, then needlessly hit by a car (I guess being stabbed is not violent and shocking enough, or funny enough). He is rushed to the ER in a broken state. 

By this time the movie has established itself as another "subversive" action/comedy. The second interrogation scene blows up a guy in an industrial sized microwave with his bloody splattering everywhere. Nicholas Cage shoots a girl in the chest because he is her father and wants her to not be afraid of getting shot by bad guys; he is also training her in lethal weaponry to which she is gifted. The father of the narrator who got hit by the car moments earlier is more concern that his son might have been raped by the two (surprise) minority carjackers instead of his physical injuries resulting from the accident. Rape and fags are funny. Hahaha.

What could have been a wonderfully inventive and entertaining movie with a rarely used, not unique, premise would have been entertaining. It could have been subversive as well. It could have been many things. Scream was funny and scary at the same time. Scream was paying homage to its genre as well as subverting it. Scream had wit. It had class. 

It is not that the movie Kick-Ass itself is bad and without redemption or merit. I enjoyed the first thirty minutes of the film quite a bit and some of the later action scenes are properly choreographed and shocking. Prior to seeing the movie, I had anticipation because of its premise and energetic trailer. But, it is childish in the worst qualities. Cynicism, smarminess, and snarkiness is not a substitute for subversion and wit. Having a child be a knife/gun expert and swearing is not original nor subversive. It is lame. And adding a campy, poppy, child-sung song over the violence is not new or clever or anything but predicable. It is a tired joke dressed up to be hip with all the wrong attitude of what is supposed to be clever. Remember, when the pretty girl speaks to the dorky guy, it's funny... because she thinks he's gay. Haha. 

There is something I like to call the Poochie Effect. Back when The Simpsons was immensely more popular and creative than what it was today, they created the character "Poochie", a talking dog, to make fun of the pseudo "hipness" and "coolness" that other failed cartoons shows were trying to do. Remember Fish Police? Thought not. Poochie was dreamed up by cynical and creatively bankrupt network heads screaming "Attitude! Attitude!" and "Ee needs sunglasses!" because this is their idea of hipness. Poochie wore baggy pants, sunglasses, spoke in slang, mildly swore (it is TV, after all, not HBO) and proclaimed himself to be "half Joe Camel and a third Fonzarelli". The Simpsons was making fun of this type of character and the children on the show saw through this BS. A decade or so later, the creators of this episode who had children expressed with dismay in an audio commentary that their own children and their children's friends all love Poochie.

Tarantino loves movies and famously praises bad movies as triumphant works of art. He is a great filmmaker. He is a subversive filmmaker. He sometimes has bad taste. However, those without taste and those who envy him and his kind do the same. They elevate middling commercial films as works of art, prematurely declaring them masterpieces because of the Poochie Effect. Why does Kick-Ass court the Comicon crowd? Why does Kick-Ass need to use the already tired phrase "hardcore gamer" to describe its protagonist so much? Why the specific namedropping of Scott Pilgrim? Why the hustling for the redband trailer, the trailer that allows swearing and more violence? Because marketing works, people fall victim to its shallow opium, and the Poochie Generation is created and instantly lost. 

A lot of ground has been lost since The Graduate.